I lost my phone yesterday. I went skiing and getting home so tired I was sleeping on the bus. It was a very deep sleep that I didnt remember still holding my blackberry in my hands. I woke up, rushingly get off the bus and 10 minutes later I realized my blackberry wasn't in my bag. I guess someone took it from my hand when I was asleep, or it felt down when I didn't pay attention. I don't know. All I know is i'm very upset because I usually depend my whole life on that little thing.
We all get upset for losing our valuable things. I am the kind of person who always try to take care of my things, put everything in order and in safe place so that i dont lose them. But lately in my life I experienced a whole series of losing stuffs. Back in August I was day-traveling to Verona and someone stole my wallet from my bag. I was so frustrated because I have everything there. My residence permit, ATM, credit card, money, Indonesian driving license, etc. And since I'm living alone and far from my family, every time something happens to me I have to be responsible of my own self. I have to control my monthly expenses otherwise I might not have something to eat the next week. And I always tried not to troublesome my parents.
And when last night I lost also my phone, I was really upset. Because since that wallet incident, I've always been trying to be extra careful for my belongings. I don't wanna lose anything ever again. And yet it happened.
I got home really frustrated and sad. I prayed to God "why did you let this happen to me?" I opened up a daily devotional before going to bed. And I read..
"We often don't realise how important something is or how much value we place upon it until we don't have it any more. If we get frustrated about losing a phone or some tickets imagine how God feels when he loses a relationship with a person."
That sentence hit me. God really does speak to me.
I tried to recall my life lately. Since I came back to Italy and started my internship, I have been doing the same routine everyday. I get up - go to work - go home - eat dinner - sleep. The weekends I spend to do things I cannot do on workdays. I go shopping, meet friends, eat in restaurants, go dancing, or go out of town. I still go to church every Sunday but I sometimes questioning, "why do I have to do this". Every time in church I see people singing and praising God and all I can think of is "why can't I feel what they feel anymore?". I sometimes pray "God bring me closer to you, why do I feel so far to You?" I've been reading devotionals about making a quiet time with Him everyday, but somehow always feel so tired and lazy. My spirit as a Christian is degrading and I felt saturated with all the routine. I realized I'm getting far and further from Him and yet I didn't make a significant effort to get back to Him.
But last night God spoke to me. I realize that He let this situation happen to me because He wants me to understand what its like to lose our precious stuff. He wants me to understand what He feels when He loses His relationship with me. He loved me SO much that He got sad and briefs when He felt like losing me.
I got ashamed. I only lost my blackberry and tried all the effort I can do to find it. But when I (almost) lose my precious relationship with God, I didn't try hard enough to renew my saturated heart. I cried so hard because I know He still loves me so no matter what I did. God values every one of us. He desires for us to be in close relationship with Him.
God let things happen in our life because he wants to tell us something.
And sometimes He let things happen in our life to make us realize how loved we are.
How delightful was it to know that I am more precious to Him than any other object or possession.
Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
Lord, make me understand the fruit of my relationship to You and draw me closer to You each day.
